How to Heal Your Burns
by chloeswords
Summary: The aftermath of Birthmark. Raven's secret is eating away at her and she can no longer hide its effects. RaeRobin friendship... for now...read and see what I mean!
1. To Those That Are Found

_Disclaimer: _I don't own any of these characters, just using them for my own twisted purposes…

_Oh, by the way, this whole story takes place after 'Birthmark' so if you didn't watch it… get on that! Yea, and remember to be kind and rewind as well as review…_

_On to the story…_

**How to Heal Your Burns  
**Chapter 1: To Those That Are Found…

It's a bitter taste. It stays with you for days. The way it smells, the way it leaves jagged burning scars on your cheeks even when they have been wiped clean.

The mirror lies, I can still feel those teary trails but there are no lines of fire on my face.

And I scrub harder, my face, my arms, my legs, my stomach. It should hurt, burn, sting, scorch, but it's been twenty minutes now that the scrub has oscillated over my skin.

The mirror is lying again.

I can still see those fired symbols, they glow and they speak and they vibrate. I can still feel his hands on my back. His hands burning into my arms. His hot breathe against my neck, against my ear, shivers running through my body, clutching me tighter. My eyes unable to close… to close… I can't forget their…faces… and his stoned body… and their deaths…

And now my neck is cranked over the sides of the toilet, hair grazing the porcelain edges. I can't be too loud. They'll hear. And I can feel the bile and acid build in the back of my throat.

I adjust my eyes again to the blinding light of the bathroom. How did I end up on the floor? I'm losing my mind, I'm losing control.

It's burning again, the tears, as they cascade down my face. My back still flames even against the cold tile of the floor. I know they are still there, the burning symbols of my birth…

My birthmarks…

* * *

It's Friday. I wonder what other kids would be doing right now. Probably running out to go drink … or maybe they are just going to the movies. Their parents are making dinner, worrying about them. That would be nice, a warm dinner at the end of the day. Mom used to make this delicious… NO. Don't think abut them…

They're gone. They aren't coming back. Slade came back. Why can _Slade_ come back and not them…

"You're going nuts" Maybe I shouldn't have said that out loud. God, when did I start thinking like that? I haven't thought like that since… No. No more thinking.

Wait, where am I?

Oh, I'm walking the hallways… I guess… I guess I got distracted.

This is crazy! I have to focus. I'm their leader, and I killed him but he's back again. Slade is alive. Slade is alive! Damn it!

Slam…Crack…

"He's Alive!" I screamed that last part.

Fuck. fuck.

…sigh…

I didn't mean to hit the wall but it was there and it deserved it.

Fucking wall.

Fucking walls.

I think I messed up my hand though. I shouldn't do it again, but can feel the bubbling blinding pain again. No, my hand doesn't hurt. Anger, I can feel the anger, and frustration of him breathing, hurting my friends.

Raven…

What he did to Raven, what he could have done. I failed, again. What kind of leader can't even protect his team? I'm not strong enough… I'll train…harder…

Enough of this, these thoughts, I am going to train and I'll be ready for him when he comes…when he comes….

And now I am jogging through the hallways that were burred before, blurred in my memories but I stop. I always stop here, at her door.

I guess just starring at it takes small pieces of guilt from my shoulders, but for some reason the load never gets lighter. I am hoping she will open it up and walk out in her usual grumpy stature with her nose buried in her books. I want her to open those doors and for life to be normal like it was. Ha. Normal. I almost forgot that normalcy is something that Titans lack. Like peace, we lack normalcy and peace. Funny how easily we fight so that they can have it, but us? No. We can never have what they have, what we protect for them…

:Heave:Whimper:Sigh:Thump:

I didn't realize how close I had come to her door. Half of my forehead and my left cheek are now smashed against the steel of her door. And I hear those sounds. It sounded like someone was sick. Was she sick? Or hurt? What if someone was hurting her as I am standing here like an ass.

"Raven?" And silence.

"Raven, its Robin… Are… You okay?...Raven?" Shit. Shit. What do I do? Why am I hesitating? I can't go in. Why not?

What if Slade is in there?

Okay, override code… 81101

The door is sliding open. The room is so dark and heavy in heat.

"Raven?" I ask quitter.

Then I see the light from her bathroom. And her limp hand on the floor.

* * *

The tiled floor was covered in towels, vomit and Raven. She lay sprawled across it like a doll. Her pale face, redden and soiled. Quaking, she motioned for the dirty towel that lay inches away. Her fingers weekly thought they had grabbed it only to feel air pass through them.

She whimpered.

Hearing footsteps and someone softly calling her name she called back. Her mouth did not open. She felt trapped in her mind, her eyes now making out the grids the tiles formed. She could make out the soft cream of the walls. Then a shoe, a black shoe… then a pair of hands… then a chest…

Robin did not bother to take in the full horror of the bathroom. All he saw was her curled on the floor, eyes open, lost … sad eyes looking at his feet. She was naked, but her skin lost its shimmer, it gray luster. Redness ran over her entire length, some places scrapped to the point that fresh blood spilled while other areas were scabbed and swollen. Her legs, her arms, her back and her forehead all held the same punishment. All parts of her body sharing the torture her mind must have felt. He knelt down and scooped her against his chest. Pressing harder, hoping to awaken her from whatever nightmare she was living. Lifting her, she shook in his arms and her hair fell across his arms as she looked up at his face.

"Raven… God, what happened…what did you do?" She closed her eyes momentarily to let a burning tear go.

"It… wouldn't…go…away." She said in such a whispeared tone Robin held his breath to hear her, hoping that he heard wrong. Hoping that her words did not mean she did this to herself, hoping that the smell of vomit permeating in the bathroom was not from her pale skeleton.

He settled Raven into her bed, sheets were twisted and thrown off. Gently gathering them back over her body he took full lot of the injuries that plagued her skin and her sunken face.

He stood over her and narrowed his white eyes.

Turning back to the bathroom Robin did the best he could to not gag. Bloodied towels, half covered in the remnants of her meals, lay across the shower, the toilet. A blood covered sponge and Brillo pad sat on the sink. He felt queasiness over take him and he quickly pressed his back to the opposite wall, looking out over the darkness of her room. Shattered lamps, cracked furniture, all sat like grave stones on the ground. There had been a war. And she lost.

* * *


	2. To Those That Are Broken

**How to Heal Your Burns  
**Chapter 2: To Those That Are Broken…

"…No… Don't tell the others… just get up here with a kit…thanks"

It sounds like…Robin, was he talking to someone? Wait, where am I? My bed, My walls, my room… so I am in my room but what is he doing in here. God... my head is killing me… I can't think… I can't sense anything. I feel like I am one fire, my skin is scorching.

What the hell is on my skin… oh…my god … I am covered in cuts… and I am naked, in my bed and Robin is in my room and I am naked. I am bleeding again. I have to run. Wait, no I can't I'm naked!

"Raven?" When did he get so close to me? He's at my side. He's kneeling at my bed. He's stroking my hands; no he's wiping the blood from my hands.

I know I didn't respond to his gentle call. I looked over though at him wiping my hand, at his face. His white eyes narrow and his brow furrows.

Is he worried? Is he worried for me? For my body?

"…raven… what did you do to yourself?" He said that so bitterly, as if he were accusing me of something, like he was the one bleeding.

"Robin… why am I naked, what happened?" His eyes went wide right away, then casting them back to my hand which is now fully cleaned. He continues to stroke it with the hand towel.

" I found you in the bathroom…like… um…this. Don't you remember anything?"

Of course I do. The marks, they flamed up again in my dreams, like how they do every night. And his feel, his touch, his flaming touch burnt me again. I wanted it to end, I wanted there to be no more skin for him to touch, for him to burn.

I meant… what happened that you are here now… that I don't remember getting to my bed… that I don't remember leaving the bathroom…

"…no…" I said that too quietly, too weakly because now Robin knows I am lying.

He doesn't answer back and just slowly moves his cleaning from my left hand to my left arm, pouring water on the cloth, then returning to my scorched skin and gently patting away the dried blood.

The coolness of the water sends shivers through my entire body. It is so soothing and all I want to do is close my eyes and feel his hands on me, cleaning me like this until I die but if I do close my eyes, those images will flood my control…

Wait, what am I thinking? He is cleaning me. This is wrong, he shouldn't be here. He is going to ask questions. He is going to know I am lying, he knows I am lying.

"Stop." I command in an earnest voice. He doesn't.

"Stop it." Does he really think I am going to let him sit there and pretend he didn't hear my voice?

"Let Go!" I'm trying to sound more forceful but my voice is lost and dryness captures my anger. I pull my arm away instead. God that hurt more than I thought.

"No!" A vase shattered as he responded to me. I am surprised, the anger, the hurt in his voice.

"Raven, you're not going to slink away from this one. Now hold still, I'm just trying to clean up the cuts until Cyborg gets here." What! He told everyone about this?

This… is …. Not….his out! This is not your concern!" I try to shift out of my bed dragging the sheets to cover what dignity I had left. I try to turn my legs out of the bed. I am trying to move, trying to ignore an intense pain and a weakness I've never known before. The burning tears cascade again and I am dizzy and I am scared. I am losing control.

"Don't be stupid! Lay down!" Robin is forceful and it hurts. He grabs my shoulders. Oh God it hurts. He pushes me to the mattress. Ah! My back is burning.

"Aah!" I couldn't hold it in any longer.

He suddenly turns gentle again, his eyes droop.

"Raven… please, just let me take care of you." I am shocked. And now I allow his hands to push my shoulders down, to move my hair away from my face, to move a blanket up around my neck.

A silence hangs in the air as he sits back to the chair he pulled from my desk. He shrugs his shoulders forward to an awkward slant. Head fallen, hands clasped together, his mind spins.

I look up at the ceiling, willing this moment to die, to burn up…to die.

"I know why you did it Raven, why you did this to your skin… he…tou…he touched you there…"

* * *

I can still see the image of him on top of that building. He held her by her shoulders, he pushed her off that building, and he was trying to kill her. But when she fell into my arms I already saw something die. Her tattered outfit, her exposed skin.

"I know why you did it Raven, why you did this to your skin… he…tou…he touched you there…"

I don't look up at her, but keep my eyes trained on the carpet. I don't need to see into her eyes to gauge her reaction. I can feel the room shake. I can hear what is left of her valuable shatter. I can feel pieces of them against my back.

Oh God. Her pain. I could feel it.

I look up and see she has tried again to sit up, this time making it into a full sitting position. Her back is so delicate, so feminine. But it is tortured now by those red scars, the deep purple bruising, those jagged tiny cuts. I guess she sensed I was looking because she quickly covered all of herself in the sheet.

"You...don't know anything." She's lying, that's why her back is to me.

"Then tell me Raven…"

"Get out Robin, I can heal myself."

I know she is lying again. I know she can't because she is not strong enough yet. If she could, she would have. She can't.

"What did he tell you, Rae, …what...did he make you do?" I overstepped my boundaries on that one.

"I told you everything at my **_birthday party_**… remember?" Her tone cut like a knife. Her over emphasis of certain words makes me shiver, like she was blaming me in those words.

"You're keeping something from me…"

Now her bookcase is floating…

"Raven, I know what its like… when he… when he gets into your mind."

She stood shakily, grabbing the wall. I sit on the edge of the chair, watching her curled form make its way to the corner. She's going to fall and I am over there in an instant. She pushes me away.

"Just because you can't care about anyone but Slade, anything but the destruction of Slade doesn't mean I share your sick, warped obsession!" Her eyes were closed. She allowed her body to fall forward into my embrace.

I felt like the wind has been knocked out of me. Knocked out but her words, her motionless body…

"What the hell is going on man!" I turn to see Cyborg at the opened door, a med kit in hand. He looks furious.

"Cy, she passed out again," I say as I lay her back on the bed, "… look at her cuts before she comes to again."

I see Cyborg looking around the room, into the bathroom has he passes over to her bed.

"What the hell happened!"

"Cy, just try and fix her up before she…"

"I don't know man, she'll be pretty angry when she wakes up…"

"She'll be angry at me, Cy. Let's just get this done quick. I want to keep this quiet…"

"Alright man"

He worked fast. I watched every move he made. I answered as many questions as I could. I watched his eyes and listened to his sighs when he saw the injuries.

I turned away when appropriate.

I turned back when I could, my eyes following his hands as he applied the ointment, aiding him when he finished wrapping her body…

"Okay… that should 'bout do it."

I can feel the question coming before it leaves his lips.

"Why, man?" I slump back in my chair, and touch her bed.

"…I…I don't know." I lied. I did. But if he knew… no, no one can know. "I'm gonna wait here till she wakes up. You can go.'

"Nah, I'll stay, its okay."

"No. Go."

"Rae's my friend too Robin..."

"Cyborg. Go." He's angry, but stands down, half understanding.

I didn't see him leave, but I heard the door slam.

And her eyes shot open, her mouth agape. She's taking in her surroundings. She's looking down at her now covered injuries. I had put her in a pair of sweats to cover… well… what was left of her dignity…

God, stop blushing Robin…

She sits up, holding her probably aching head. I feel a pang of guilt in my heart. I clasp my hands tighter together and arch forward.

"I am getting sick of waking up to you." Her tone showed that it was no joke.

"Raven… why are you being so stubborn? All I am trying to do…"

"Is annoy me. I could have healed on my own. I don't need your help."

"Really… because I see your lies Raven. What if an alert went out and it was Slade again. What if you did manange to fool us for another night and we let you go fight! Your body has not healed completely from whatever damage Slade did to you. Do you understand Raven?"

She pulled her legs up to her chest, and put her chin on her knees.

"I understand you're a bastard."

And the rage over takes me again as I throw the chair behind me to the wall.

"FINE! Be angry, go ahead Raven punch me. I know you blame me, I know that's why you can't stand to be in the same room as me and now this is why you basically ripped the skin off your bones… go ahead! Take a swing." I am kneeling on her bed, inches away from her face, hoping, praying that I will feel the connection of her fist to my face.

But all she does is turn towards me, her eyes sad again. Her lips inches from my own, her breathe ragged and pained.

"…I don't blame you… Robin… you just don't…. know"

"Then tell me."

"Please, don't make me." And there it was, her vulnerability, her fear, her friendship, her distrust, her pain all in one sentence. All in one hushed whispear. All in four little words. In her gaze, in her burning purple gaze.

I sit down on the side of her bed, my back to her, my head hung low.

"I'm …sorry. I didn't mean to get so angry. I'm just worried… about…about you Rae. You worry me."

And then I feel what I never thought I ever could. Her warm hand glided to my shoulder, staying on the taut muscle, gently gripping, gently soothing.

"Robin, let me heal. I'll be fine… everything…will be fine." I can feel her lying again, but I give in.

"Raven…"

"Robin, please I need just some time to myself. I promise no missions until I'm healed. Just let me rest." I turn my head to her ached face. I nod in agreement. I stand letting her hand fall to the mattress.

"And…"

"And what?" She asks in her monotone voice.

"What you're keeping from me…your secret?" I walk to the door, exhausted, confused, a little hurt.

She doesn't answer me. I don't push any further. I'm already defeated.

"… if you need to talk… I'm here Raven."

Again silence and I turn back around. She looks at my face and then merely curls back into her bed like she said she would.

I look at her clock. Its 3am.

I close her door.

I need sleep.


	3. To Those That Are Silent

_Thank you everyone for the nice reviews, sorry its taking so long for me to update, but I promise… as soon as I write 'em you get to read 'em._

_On to the Story…_

**How to Heal Your Burn  
**Chapter 3: To Those That Are Silent…

31 hours… it's been 31 hours… 5 of which I've spent sleeping. The rest, well the rest I've been pounding the shit out of my punching bag in my quarters, the gym, the training room. I should be tired. My muscles do ache. Thank God for these green gloves or else the bruising and scabs on my knuckles would be far too evident. A deep purple bruising… like… Raven. I sigh inaudibly. She hasn't left her room in 31 hours. Well, I'm sure she has probably snuck out at some point for food. If she did, she did so cunningly, under my nose. I take back what I said before, I didn't just train… I watched her… constantly… her door…waiting…some times knocking…asking…watching…

"Robin?", I'm knocked out of my thoughts by an angered meta-man.

"Dude, were you listening to anything I was saying?"

"Yea…no... Sorry I was thinking about… um…finding Slade." Cyborg is narrowing his eyes. He leans in from his position of the couch, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Listen man, I'm worried about him too, and her. Maybe you should get some sleep." Sleep. Sleep is punishment.

"I'm fine. What were you saying?" Cyborg sighed heavily.

"I was saying,_ Robin_, that Slade is no where to be found, and its been three weeks of constant searching. .."

"Then its gonna be four weeks, Cyborg." I can see the anger in his eyes. But what the hell does is expect, that were gonna give up!

"Robin! Let me finish. We got no leads, nothing. And now we have Raven who is a danger to herself, the team, I mean, man we are running out of options."

"So what are you thinking Cyborg, throw her out, let Slade get her, let her destroy herself!" I said that too loud but I don't care, and I don't remember clenching my fists so tightly, wanting to put huge holes in his metallic skull. Now he throws his hands up waving them wildly in front of her face.

"Man, chill, I'd never want that. She's like a sister."

I slump back further on to the couch and lift my head up to see through the living rooms windows the sun peeking over the horizon, just about to rise.

"Alright." I can solve this, I know I can. "She knows no missions. Not until she is healed."

"Robin, that's not what I mean. Her mind Robin, It's a mess. And with Slade saying he was after her… I mean there's something that doesn't make sense..."

He's right. Maybe I should… no. He can't know that her memories of Slade did this. No one can know.

"…and we can't keep this from the others."

"No!"

"Robin!"

"NO! Cyborg, I'll get to the bottom of all of this, on my own. But this is just between you and me for now. That's an order."

"Giving out the orders kind of early, aren't we Robin?"

My head shot up to see her standing casually in the kitchen, reaching for her tea bags. Shuffling from one side of the kitchen to the other so nonchalant in her motions. So she's going to play like nothing happened, like it was not just 31 hours ago that I found her a crumpled mass, that she finally broke down. She's going to just ignore me. We'll see about that.

Before I have the chance to even lift myself from my seat on the couch Cyborg is already at her side, asking how she feels, what her plans were. She looks annoyed. I'll wait, well at least until Cyborg is done with the pleasantries.

And the sun has fully risen.

The other Titans will be awake soon…

"Morning Greetings to all!" Hm. On Cue as always. I turn around to see Star and Beast Boy milling about, trying to find some breakfast no doubt.

* * *

Robin looks tense. Puh, he should be. I heard them talking from the Hallway. He raised his voice, and of course they failed to notice me walking into the room, probably too concerned with making sure that Cyborg heard his barking orders. He can really be such an egotist sometimes. He's no God, his way is not always the right way. Jerk, He's such a jerk!

"How you feel Rae?" What the hell is wrong with me, I just let Cyborg sneak up on me. I pull my cloak tighter around my body, lowering my head to allow the shadow of my hood to fully encompass my face.

"Fine." I say, while starring at the flames under the kettle. Why can't water boil faster?

"Bandages okay?" I really didn't hear all that Cyborg said, I was too enthralled by the flames of the kettle. Their happy dance, their intoxicating warmth, their swaying beauty seems…to…be calling…

"Rae?" My head jerks upward. "Earth to Raven?"

"What?" I say a little annoyed.

"Geez, between you and Robin, I feel like I am talking to the walls." I felt a swell of embarrassment.

"Oh… sorry Cyborg, yes they're fine." If by fine you mean I ripped them off.

"Morning Greetings to all!" Wonderful. I knew I would run into Cyborg and Robin but I was actually hoping to make it back before anyone else had woken up.

I guess Cyborg saw me grasping the handle of my tea cup too tightly. He gave me one last look and turned towards Starfire and Beastboy.

"Morning, Star. Who wants some waffles?"

Good, that should distract them long enough for me to let this tea boil.

"Yo Rae! Where have you been?"

"Yes friend Raven, you have missed training session, have you not been well?' I fold my arms around my waist under my cloak.

"No, meditating." I look up past the changeling and the tameranean that are now giving me slanted looks. Robin has moved from the couch and is now walking in heavy strides towards the kitchen.

"Meditating! For an entire day?" Beastboy crosses his arms and eases himself against the kitchen counter.

"Yo man, I forgot to tell you. I got the new Jersey Street racing game." Cyborg calls from the opposite end of the kitchen

"No way! That's like one of the hardest…" Beast Boy continued on with his rant on how hard the game was to find. How hard the game was to play. I didn't pay attention; I was too busy trying to catch my breath. I turned my back to them all focusing again on the silver kettle. Why wouldn't this damn tea boil!

"Raven, are you sure all is well?" Starfire asked as she stood a little too close for my comfort.

"Star, I'm fine, just trying to get some tea in _peace_." She seemed slightly hurt by the sharpness of my words. She turned away and went back to the living room where the small group of Titans congregated.

I can't keep this up for long. I mean, I've kept secrets from them before, I've held back the truth about my past, about what I really am. But this, this is something so different, something too big for this body to hide.

A loud whistle snapped me out of my thoughts. I reached over for the kettle and pour the water into the small mug. I set the kettle back down over the flat burner. I think I'll add some vanilla. No, then it will be too sweet. I wish we had some nutmeg in this kitchen. I mean would it really hurt to have a nice collection of spices. Then again, who cooks here? There's breakfast of course but dinner is mostly order in Chinese, or Italian or…

Robin grabs my right hand hard. My eyes rise to meet his. Sometimes I really wish looks would kill. What the hell is he trying to pull? He's holding a rag, and wiping blood…from the counter top? But… where did the blood… omg, my hand is bleeding.

* * *

She didn't notice me enter the kitchen. Well, if she did she made damn sure to ignore me.

It was my fault; Beast Boy and Starfire are not stupid. Of course they noticed her absence from training sessions, dinner. It is a good thing Cyborg caught my gaze and dragged away their attention. Now they are just milling about as normal. As we do every morning.

And I look over at her. Her form seems smaller; her shoulders slouched as if an invisible load has settled permanently upon them. She didn't let much flesh be exposed; she hardly ever held her hood over her head indoors but today she made sure all of her was covered. She's reaching for the kettle, making sure only her fingertips were exposed. Even reaching for a spoon she tries to conceal her hand.

Wait, what's that?

Red.. and pooling? Is she bleeding? I grab a hand towel and charge towards her. I snatch her hand. She's lost in thought again. She snaps out and gives me her death stare. Does she not even realize her hand is covered in blood? That the countertop, where she had let her hand rest is soaked?

I quickly clean the blood, and her hand. Her stare of cold death has turned to burning confusion, she's stunned.

"Rae…" I whisper.

She instantly pulls her hand away, along with the cloth and pulls it back into her cloak. Her black aura opened a hole in the floor and she slipped into it.

Did anyone else see that? No…No. Beast Boy is already playing the video game, with the rest of them hovering around.

:sigh: Here we go again. Robin vs. Raven round two. Let's see how long it takes for her to open the door this time.

* * *

Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos, Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos, Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos

:bang bang:

"Raven! Open up, I know you're in there!"

Hm. Two minutes, he's running a little slow today.

Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos, Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos, Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos

"Raven!"

Guh, he never gives up.

I slide off my bed and move to the door. Its futile though because he's already put in his override codes and the door slides open. I'm startled and jump back slightly, he just stands there stoically , fists clenched held tightly to either side of his hips. Black mask narrowed to tiny slits.

He moves past me, as if I were not the object of his rage.

"Yes, you may come in." I say in a deadpanned voice.

"Close the door Raven." I comply, bracing myself for the angry Robin. The stereotypical angry leader. I'll give him a piece of my mind, running around barking orders, demanding perfection…

"Raven, what happened to your hand? I thought you were healing?" Well that was new. His voice was coated in worry and comfort rather than the fury I had tensed my muscles for.

I don't answer at first.

"Raven," he said with a sigh. He moved over to his favorite chair. The one that became his home the night, he...um, found… me. "I thought we had a deal. I thought you were going to heal. You we're build up your strength and I would leave you alone. I wouldn't ask any more questions."

Ha. If he is implying that I am the one breaking our deal then he can just go throw his head into a trash compactor…

"Ha. And I suppose lingering outside my room like a stalker doesn't break our deal? Or how about you promising Cyborg you would get to the bottom of it? I'm gonna just hazard a guess but I don't think you two were talking about cars." Robin slumps forward, no doubt my verbal jabs taking its effect.

"For a leader Robin, you are quite the hypocrite…" shit. Stupid, I shouldn't have said that.

He looks up with fire in his eyes. He charges for me, too quickly for me to step aside. He grabs my right arm and tears the fabric of my leotard all the way up my elbow. He sees the redness, the swollen nature of my appendage. He pushes my cloak open and sees the same marks upon my legs.

"Why….aren't … you…healing?" He asks in seething anger. I try to move away from his gaze but there is something in his face that gives up the façade is voice is trying to paint. His features are relaxed, almost sad. And his aura is of… concern… its…deep concern…

I give an audible sigh. I'll tell him the truth, we'll a half truth.

"Robin, I'm just shook up and I can't find my concentration as easily as I had before…" He moves his hands from his hips to my shoulder, almost reassuring me of my burden. He's smart; I don't need to explain that without my concentration I lose my powers full strength. It's partly true. The dreams though, that's what is shaking my concentration. The dreams of fire. All encompassing, deeply burning fire. That's why I don't sleep, I don't eat. Well, Boy Wonder if only you knew the whole truth.

"Why don't you let Cyborg take a look at those, and you should eat something." I nod slightly. Good. Act defeated and maybe he'll leave you alone. "Oh and when you are ready to tell me …anything… I'm here."

WHAT! He still doesn't believe me, doesn't believe… well, why should he. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

"STOP IT!" I scream, a picture frame shatters, along with most of the glass in the room.

"DAMN IT ROBIN! I am sick of hearing you say that! I am sick of it! I don't need to talk. And damn you and Cyborg. My secret, my life is my own business! I don't need you and Cyborg, with your early morning meetings, telling me what to think, do! I can take care of myself!"

"Why are you so selfish Raven!"

SELFISH, DID HE JUST CALL ME SELFISH!

"Can't you see that you being hurt effects the team, and you keeping this secret of yours will effect the team. I'm the leader god damnit, and I have to look out for everyone. Everyone Raven!"

Oh my God, 'this secret of yours will effect the team'. Does he know, has he known all along!

"What do mean…will effect the team", I ask timidly.

"You know damn well what I mean Raven!" My eyes widen, "whatever you are hiding is making it impossible for you to heal, and with you out of commission we will be down one titan. And now I have to lie to them, telling them you are sick or… what did you say…meditating."

Thank God. He doesn't know.

But, why is he treating me like some kind of dirty lie.

"I don't need this. I'm going to go train, alone, by myself." I say walking past him, past the sliding door and into the hallway.

"No!" I don't bother to turn; I can hear his footsteps behind me.

"No, Raven! That's an order." An order! He thinks he can just order me around! I turn and bring my face inches from him.

"Listen Boy Blunder, You may command us on the field, but you don't own my life. Now, I am going to go train, and you can go back to having waffles." I narrow my eyes as I can feel the black aura encompass me.

"You are acting like a child Raven! You're still hurt, and you're only going to injure yourself further."

"I'm no child."

"Yes you are. Standing here, arguing like this …"

"Only because my leader is too egotistical to see that his team can wipe their own asses with out him commanding them to."

He looks away from my face, I can see he is getting too heated, he is trying to control his anger, biting his lip, clenching and unclenching his fists.

"…go train Raven…." I'm surprised at his sudden defeat. The mellowness of his voice. His now normal shaped white orbs.

"Just remember you're a Titan, Raven. You don't need to hide things from us."

"And what if I need to keep my thoughts private?"

"Fine! Keep them Raven! Keep all of them. …But when they do this," he grabs my arm and lifts it to eye level, "…and this", he brushes his fingertips lightly across my forehead. I can't help but hiss in a petite breath. He pushes one strand of fallen hair behind my ear. , Shivers are sent down my spine, to my knees, and back up to my already accelerated heart. He's letting his hand fall to my shoulder now, gripping the fabric of my cloak.

If he gets any closer I think my heart is going to collapse.

"When they do that, what am I suppose to do then, Raven?" he whispers. His eyes travel from the marks on my arm to the one on my forehead and then back to my eyes. "Tell me what to do."

He's now dangerously close to me. His words came in sudden whispers and I don't know how to respond. His breaths are light and profound; I can almost feel them on my cheeks. I look into his white orbs, a flurry in my mind.

Do I tell him? Do I tell him everything, how I will be the one that destroys them all, how I will be the reason that all the things he loves will crumble to nothing. Do I tell him I don't know how to stop it? Do I tell him…everything?

I can't. I can't hurt him, because he is here now. He is here clutching my wrist to his chest, his other hand upon my quaking shoulder. I can't tell him because if I do then I will never feel his friendship again. I will never feel him near me, clutching me, supporting me…

I turn quickly out of his grasp, flicking both his hands into the air.

I try to hover in a steady pace down the hallway but I feel my heart slowly melting, disappearing. And the pains of my marks are beginning to return.

I feel a tightening at my throat and I am jerked backwards. I turn seeing Robin holding a section of my cloak. Daggers loom in his eyes, no more gentleness, and no more kindness.

"You didn't answer my question."

"I can't"

"Why?"

"Because I can't!"

"WHY! Don't you trust me!"

I begin to open my mouth. I was about to speak. I was about to let the fears all drain from my body. I was about to say 'Because, Robin, because my father is an uber-demon lord that is using me to bring about the destruction of this life. I can't tell you anything because I don't know anything. I can't tell you about the visions that Slade showed me because if I did I would have to leave the team, or you would make me leave and then I would never see you or my friends ever again. I can't tell you because verbalizing what my mind knows is the scariest thought, the scariest idea that I have ever had. I can't because I love you too much to let you see your future.' I almost said all of that.

"… Why did you only tell Cyborg and not the others…?" I ask. I see a visible jerk in his body.

"Answer my question and I'll answer yours." I say. He still holds my cloak tightly in his clenched fist.

"…" He takes his gaze away from my eyes and they fall to the floor.

"Well?" I ask angrily.

"I didn't because…because I didn't…" He releases my cloak and uses the now free hand to rub the back of his neck.

I fold my arms in front of my chest and arch my eyebrow.

Silence falls upon the corridor. It feels like years, and I am tired. Tired of waiting for answers to my own questions, tired of running from the questions that I have to to ask.

"I wanted to protect them, you. I just didn't want them to worry… to have… to have the same ache that I have in my heart worrying about you… give them a chance…at normal. If I could have, I would never have had Cyborg come into this, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm no medic. And you wouldn't have wanted me to say anything to them anyway… for probably the same reasons I have. I am so tired of seeing people suffer silently, I couldn't bare it if I saw it in everyone's eyes… I can't even take it when I see it in your eyes…"

I can feel my nails dig into my arms. I can see his aura, his cheeks flush. He's embarrassed; I don't even think that he realized that he had said all that aloud. I blush at the thought. He looks at me. It's my move now, my turn to speak, run, hide, and fear, to be embarrassed like he is.

But…

I couldn't…

Do anything…

But…

Wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head on his chest…

He tenses instantly, but I soon feel his hands across my back, starting at my sides and then running closer to my spine, slowly bringing me to him. Slowly intensifying, slowly giving into my…hug…

No shivers this time, only comfort, only peace.

I feel his head tilt and chin rest on top of my head.

I let it last a few more seconds, content in the beating of his heart, the feel of chest rising and falling in a natural rhythm. I move my hands to the front of his chest, absorbing his costume. He moves his head as I lift mine to make eye contact. I let my hands finally fall on his shoulders, one on each side. I bend forward, on tip toe and lean into his neck, to his ear…

"…to protect us…right?" I murmur. Slowly, treacherously he nods, forcing his heated cheek to rub against my hair.

"…so then… you understand why I can't tell you". He tenses and I push him away softly.

God, I can't let him see my eyes. He would know the concentrated pain that is coursing through my veins, through my face. I'm losing control.

I pull up my hood, turning to make a dash for the end of the hallway. I don't hear his footsteps follow and I resign to let him linger in the corridor as stunned and befuddled as I am.

The Alarms sound, I can almost hear Robins voice… "Titans. Go!"

* * *

_Fine._

_I promise, the next few chapters will be much darker… and maybe a little bit more amore? Let me know what you think._

_Now its time for you to click that little button in the lower left hand corner that says review! You know you want to… do it! Do it! _


	4. To Those That Are Frustrated

_Disclaimer: _I don't own any of these characters, just using them for my own twisted purposes… but you knew that…

_My God… I updated…_

: people faint, women swoon, men run into walls:

**How to Heal Your Burns**

Chapter 4: To Those That Are Frustrated…

The first two missions were hard without her.

It was hard on the team.

We would return in the same fashion we had always… a little tired, a little happy, very relieved to have done our duty yet another day. But as soon as the steel of the entrance way casts its shadow over our heads, upon our shoulders, an un-seen cloud of discourse and shame feel upon me like a quick moving plague.

Guilt.

Raven.

They asked about her every time we had a call, and every time the excuse burned my lips, slapped Cyborg. God, we're pathetic.

Only once did her absence distract me in battle. I called out her name to attack.

She wasn't there.

Just empty pavement, just a blank street.

I've walked by her door many times. There has always been hesitation, now I don't knock without purpose, I don't knock alone.

What a coward I've become.

Here I am again, at her threshold. The others slink away to their own places. It is nearly eleven in the evening and sleep calls to them. It probably sounds like a sweet lullaby, some effervescent sound that numbs the mind. Sleep used to sound like that for me.

Cyborg is at my side, shooting his agitated stare. Angry for a week now, at me. He thinks I'm a coward too. Hiding this from the team. Well fuck him, he doesn't understand what this could lead to, Fuck him for thinking that he could fucking know…

Calm down Robin. Calm down.

Raven.

She has been quiet for five days now. Not silent. She slept. She ate. She heals. But she was so quiet. Her questions, her statements were always hushed and purposefully low. It left me more than unsettled. She lacked any womanly luster, any dominating command in her voice. She used to always have that in her voice.

Today was no different. She knew the procedure by heart. I would close the door. Cyborg would pull out his kit. She would sit on her bed.

Next I would turn and rest my forehead on the wall nearest the door. She would undress and Cyborg would check that her wounds were making some progress…

Check that nothing new had taken their place.

I became very well acquainted with that darkly colored wall. I noticed every crack, every miss step of the paint brush.

"….almost healed…" words had come before that statement, and probably some more afterwards, but it was all that my mind could make out. It was all my mind registered as I tuned slowly, catching the glimpse of her bare back and extended arm. Holding her other arm around her naked chest.

And I watched her skin, there would be scars on her arms, there was no way around that, in the form of tiny scratches. Her legs and torso and face had healed. But her back, her poor back even days after the assault it still held faded shades of green.

"Okay, that should about do it." Cyborg rested back on his chair and started to put the rest of his supplies back into the small white kit.

"Do you mind…" I looked from the box to her eyes. They were narrowed with a piece of her hair falling over them. Shit, I didn't realize I had been staring.

"…sorry…"

I turn back to my favored wall, lightly kicking the base with my boot.

I feel the door swoosh open and Cyborg walk out; I join him, turning my head to see a now fully costumed Raven sitting on her bed, starring intently at the floor.

Now in the hallway her door slams shut and Cyborg begins his march back to his room. No good nights, no 'see ya tomorrow', just a familiar march.

Should I? Without him? I mean, we had discussed it together, but I don't know if he would want to be with me when I tell her. Oh fuck it, you're the leader. Be a man Robin!

I don't knock. I know she's still sitting on her bed. The door slides open. She's a still statue upon her sheets, using her eyes to make war with the floor.

"Raven…" Ah, yes. Another disdainful look, how accustomed I've become.

"Come back for another free show?" She gets up and quickly pulls her cloak to around her shoulders , sweeping the hood over her purple hair.

"… I didn't mean… I mean, you know I don't look… I…" When had I become this stuttering idiot. Just say it Robin, you don't look at her to indulge some kind of warped fantasy… you look at her because…, "I just wanted to make sure… I mean your bruises… I…"

"Doubting Thomas", she says coolly, putting on her boots, flexing her legs…

"What?" Who the hell is Thomas?

"In the Bible, Thomas would not believe Jesus was alive until he saw him, felt the holes in his hands… you lack the same faith Robin."

"I don't believe in that stuff."

"Neither do I." She gets up, straightening her cloak, her hair. " But you don't believe until you see… that's a dangerous trait to have."

What the fuck is she talking about? I don't believe until I see?

"Sometimes trusting too easily is just as dangerous, but I guess that isn't something we have to worry about." Her eyes immediately find mine. Did I say something I shouldn't have? Why is she giving me that stare? Okay change the subject…

"Um… how are you sleeping?" She takes her gaze from me and turns her head towards the window. It really is amazing how the moon catches the sides of a woman's face…

She hasn't answered yet.

"No more dreams?"

Again her blazing gaze targets my eyes, my face, and my folded arms.

"…Raven…" I say softer now. I don't know why my voice quakes when she stares at me like that, but it melts me in pity and guilt beyond anything I've ever known.

"…what…just say it and leave. I really don't feel like going five rounds tonight." Any other visit I would just think it her stubborn side was to blame, but today, she looks beaten, she looks pale and worried. Maybe she's been having the same dreams I've been having. Slade in all his rage, tearing and pulling the life from friends, loved ones.

"…robin…" Maybe I shouldn't tell her.

"Cyborg thinks you are strong enough to join the team in missions." Crap that came out too quickly

She clutches her cloak to her body.

"Fantastic. I'll go meditate then." Her voice is still so quiet, so complacent. There was no excitement, no sense of encouragement for the "good news".

"I… I don't think you should." She stops her movement and looks up, arms folded. This is gonna be rough.

"Fine, I'll meditate later."

"You know what I meant." Why does she play these games? She knows I can see her pain still lingering in the back of her eyes. She knows I can see her frailty still.

"Yea. I did, you prick." What did she just call me!

"What!" I clench fists tightly. With each breath from her mouth I can feel the control on my anger quickly passing beyond my grasp.

"You heard me." She is fucking ridiculous. All we do is care for her, worry for her, and cover for her! And this is what she does in repayment, she calls me a prick, she shows me the coldness of her shoulder!

"Robin, your tantrums are starting to get on my nerves." She brushes past me.

When the door slams in my face a second time the anger pours about my body is white hot pain. I slam my fist into my favorite wall. Now there is a new hole for me to ponder.

* * *

Morning, Afternoon, Evening. It seems a frigid blur. My skin is always on edge. Noises, voices they all seem to irritate me in a way that can only be described by the grinding of teeth.

I feel my hands form fists more and more often. Even simple questions bring about this all encompassing wretched nausea that burns into anger.

What the hell is happening to me?

This is more than guilt. It is heavier than guilt. But what could weigh more on a man's soul, what could force the breath for my chest?

This façade, of normalcy, this god damn mask. More than a thin strip of black, it's a wall. It blocks and repeals. I feel trapped, but when I scream the sound reverberates and becomes a cacophonous symphony.

"Got any sevens?" My eyes flash quickly to Beast Boy's hands, playing cards held with in. I am going insane. That is the only explanation. It is madness that is creeping over me.

"Yo dude… you in the game or not?" Calm Robin, calm.

"No sevens. Go fish." And the game continues. I look around the room; it's like any other slow afternoon. Idleness takes over us too quickly sometimes. I hate to be still.

But still ness is not the cause to my unmitigated rage. It's her, it is her stillness. She is sitting on the couch, reading a book, away from the rest of the team.

The count… it's at 10 days. It has only been 10 days ago that I found her body on her bathroom. Almost a month since Slade came back. It is all back to normal according to Cyborg. She has been on two missions. She has her powers. She has small scars. She seems normal.

We are not normal, we have never been normal. She is at every breakfast, every training session, spending every moment she possibly can by our sides. She is no longer quiet.

Something is wrong.

You can't just go back to the way things were. He changes everyone.

If it wasn't for Starfire's begging and pleading I wouldn't be sitting here right now playing this stupid game. I would be at my computer or training, something, anything to find Slade.

There is no way she can be over Slade. Slade poisons the mind. And what is worse is that I know her nightmares still haunt her. I fear she will let them take control of her, like they are doing to me.

And she won't talk to me! I know we have a connection, she knows my mind and I am beginning to see hers. Why can't she trust me? I just want to know her heart, her mind.

Her body sprawled on the floor.

I see it almost every night in my dreams.

Guilt.

I almost let another person be taken by Slade because I was too weak to stop him.

And that symbol on his head. His new powers.

What could it all mean? And Raven, why her? Why pick her?

That man. That fucking man.

I feel the tightening of my hands, the tension on the cards slowly bends them.

I'm not stupid Raven. I know your mind must be as chaotic as my own. But go ahead and fool the others, you can't hide from me. Ha.

I turn to her. She is in her lotus position, slightly hovering above the couch. Her eyes fixed on her book…

No..

Her eyes are dilated… fixed on the…window.

"Friend Robin, are you okay?" I turn back to the concerned eyes of the remainder of the Titans, sitting around the game table.

"Yea… um…sorry. Was it my turn?" Their looks grow more confused

"No way, man. I won!" Beast boy grabs greedily at the remainder of cards. Shit. Star and Cyborg are starring at me now. And I'm pretty sure I can feel the burrowing eyes of Raven in the back of my head.

"I'm tired guys. If the game is over I think I'm gonna head back to my room."

"Tired? Robin it is merely three in the afternoon of day." Starfire clutches my arm. Cyborg narrows his eyes at mine, trying to see right through me, trying to tear away my wall in small hits.

"I'm fine Star. See you all for dinner." That's good, sound smooth. Now smile. Good a slight smile threw her off.

I turn to the window, to where Raven's attention once lay.

Nothing. Just blue sky, white clouds.

Okay, now walk out of the room…

Don't look at Raven, Don't look at Raven.


	5. To Those That Are Trusted

_two chapters in one update? what more can a reader ask for..._

**How To Heal Your Burns**

Chapter 5: To Those That Are Trusted…

"Doubting Thomas".

I know why he comes back here. I know why he makes himself a silent shadow.

He has lost trust.

He hovers over Cyborg at every minute, thinking that he could keep something from him. He hovers over me thinking that I have kept something from him. Well, you are right Boy Wonder, I have my secret. Cyborg though, that is the man you should trust and not hover in my room over his back while he checks my frailty, the mortality of my body. I know why you come here Robin; you have to see for yourself that I am getting better, that I don't make my own secret pacts. You doubt, Robin.

"What?" Hm, don't know who Thomas is?

I guess I was wrong. I can picture you growing up on a busy urban street, mass on the weekends with your mother or some grandmother figure. Praying to your faceless god, hoping with unconceivable hope and then losing your faith…

"In the Bible, Thomas would not believe Jesus was alive until he saw him, felt the holes in his hands… you lack the same faith Robin."

"I don't believe in that stuff."

"Neither do I." I stand to straighten my cloak, straighten my hair. It has become a nervous habit, making sure they lie on my body. Security.

"But you don't believe until you see… that's a dangerous trait to have." I shouldn't continue with this, it can only lead to another argument. I can feel the emotions flowing off him, he is angry, he is tired. He is ready to fight.

"Sometimes trusting too easily is just as dangerous, but I guess that isn't something we have to worry about." We? I turn towards his mask, the white orbs.

We, Robin? I guess you are right, we don't trust, do we?

That is how this whole mess started. Trust. A lack of trust. No, I trust him. I trust them. It's I, I can't trust myself. The danger is so apparent everyday I am awake. Everyday I breathe. In fiery gasps and torching beats of my heart, everyday I am alive I am dangerous.

No, Robin, we don't trust.

"Um… how are you sleeping?" He's uncomfortable; I can feel it swirling around him. He's trying to change the subject.

Why doesn't he just leave me in peace? He has done his job, I am better, I am trapped in a glass box, he has done his job well.

What's left to do?

I allow an inward sigh and turn towards the now opened window.

The moon, it's almost full, only a few more days and it will be a bright beacon in the sky again. It will make the ocean sparkle again.

I know what you want from me Robin. You want what is left from my scattered mind. You want Slade, and you want to know what keeps me awake at night…

You're not getting it.

"No more dreams?" I turn from the frosted window to his figure. He's standing against the wall. Arms folded, head nodded towards the ground, hair a mess.

Dreams?

Dreams!

There are no dreams! There are only night terrors and scenes of my room set ablaze during the day. There are only visions of death that circle my mind, there are only moments of unmitigated fear and despair that become ten times more unbearable because I can't feel them, act out on them. Only empty emotions for your deaths at my hands.

No Robin, there are no dreams. Dreams are left for the young and for the foolish.

"….Raven…." His voice quakes in his own over encompassing humanity. I had forgotten how able he is to read my eyes, to read the slightest twitches of my face, my hands. Our souls are connected in that fashion…

No! Raven stay strong. Don't let that quaking voice break you down. Don't let his soul break you. Stay strong. Remember that night? The night you let your head be cradled by his chest, don't you remember Raven?

The hours you spent keeping the tears at bay, the emotions in their gilded cages. Do you remember the way it felt when you let his voice take hold of your mind… your heart…

Don't do it again Raven! Their lives are too important. Trigon, Slade…they are getting stronger…don't give in just yet.

You can not feel. YOU CAN NOT FEEL.

"…what…just say it and leave. I really don't feel like going five rounds tonight." In truth I didn't. I was tired. The visions, the flaming symbols had come more and more frequently.

I look up in the hopes that his silence had meant a retreat. Instead his eyes merely came in tune with my body, sweeping over my figure.

"…robin…" why does he stare at me like that. I hate it.

"Cyborg thinks you are strong enough to join the team in missions." He is still starring at me.

What are you thinking in your mind little bird? There is something you left un-said…

"Fantastic. I'll go meditate then." That was a lie. Meditations were not something I enjoyed anymore. They were merely a replaying of my visions. I would go to the roof and think. Ever vigilant in my task of thoughts, trying to find some way to stop… sigh… what is unstoppable.

"I… I don't think you should." I fold my arms after his statement. What game are you playing Robin?

"Fine, I'll meditate later."

"You know what I meant." His tone is forceful, his eyes still wandering about my body.

"Yea. I did, you prick." Oh crap! Not out loud, that wasn't meant to be heard a loud…

"What!" Shit. Okay, don't back down. Don't apologize. Put him in his place. Remember Raven, distance….always distance.

"You heard me!" God, he is doing that thing with his fists again. I can almost make out a pale smoke coming from his ears, his cheeks flushing red.

His anger… every day… it grows larger….

I'm sorry Robin, but this is the way it has to be.

"Robin, your tantrums are starting to get on my nerves", I glide past him, making sure to keep my eyes glued to the door, as it opens, closes, as I make my way down the hallway to the steps leading to the roof, to the concrete of the floor, to the night sky, to the stars, to the swollen moon.

There has to be an answer.

* * *

And the answer is…. 

Nothing…

All night, into morning, into another night fall I spent in my room pondering. I spent my time on a discouraging journey through my mind.

My emotions have failed me once again. They gave no answers. They didn't know what I could do.

'Doomed to failure', that is what knowledge remarked when I became so desperate I fell to my knees begging for an answer; when I kissed the dirt ground of my mind, pleading with them to show me the way.

I was doomed to failure…but there had to be a way. To end him. To end this…

Suicide.

With a blade, sweet and sharp…

It floated through my mind every morning I awoke. If only my own death would mean the end of Trigon, the end of this prophecy. Life would be too simple then, wouldn't it?

No, if I killed myself, just a moment before the last trickle of life's blood left my veins; he could claim complete control over me. I would only bring about his passage sooner.

And it was a coward's way to die.

I haven't lived this long to give up.

_Flames_

Not again…

_Burn_

_Pain_

_Sear_

_Skin turning cold_

_Breathe held tight_

_Death_

Oh god… oh god… breathe Raven…breathe.

'_Skin will turn to stone'_

'_Meet your destiny'_

_Flame_

_Flame_

That was quick, usually they last much longer…my hands… the marks… it still burns…

Breathe Raven.

Okay, it's leaving now, the pain. I can inhale all the way, I can taste sweet oxygen.

It's over for now.

I look about my room. There are trickles of daylight that seem to find a home on the floor, along the walls. The room is no longer the mine field it was once. I can control my actions during the visions…

Funny… how numbing this has all become. Their faces no longer induce shock in me. Its like clouds, their faces are like clouds. I acknowledge them, and know they are always there, but their message is lost. Clouds are clouds and their faces are still faces of terror and death.

Death is now a familiar partner to my mind.

But their smiles… its breaks the soul, it breaks the complacency of my heart.

When they smile at me I want to tear out my own soul, I want to tear off my skin.

When they smile I know what I have to do.

There has to be a way to stop this…

If nothing else, if nothing else I have to find a way on my own to keep them ignorant and pure.

Even if Robin does smell the fear that lingers about me, even if he does know that there is a secret burning in my chest, he is still ignorant, he still sees a future that allows him to grow to a man, a blissful man… he stills sees a future where love and pain and joy all mix together to form some kind of perverted cocktail we call life. He stills sees a future where he can die in his bed an old, aged man, shrouded in memories of life and love… surrounded by elderly faces, young faces, all loving him, all mourning him as he passes onto the next plane.

I do this nothing more than for their ignorance.

But my control is fading. It seems the more I distance myself from them, the closer I have to be.

I crave their presence; it allows me to think easier. Their smiles, their lively passions, even their annoying, petty arguments make it easier for me to think.

I don't know why, I really don't ask.

I feel the necessity even now, an unsettling pang.

They should be in the living room, playing their games.

Robin will be in there.

He's been acting even stranger than normal.

His hyper-protectiveness is beyond any fathomable amount of annoyance. He's always with Cyborg, always about my room, always looking over his shoulder during missions. I've never had that type of attention before. Never known those types of stares.

It's flattering sometimes…

What? No! What the fuck am I thinking? Those looks aren't of worry or concern. He doesn't trust me. He doesn't trust anyone anymore. What a fool, what a pathetic fool. His thoughts never seem to falter, always of Slade…

Robin…

He'll never forget Slade; it will be in his mind till the day he dies.

Like me…like now... in some perverse manner it bonds us…our obsession with our own secrets, our own past, our own thoughts, our own vengeance, our own hates.

We are joined by a common soul.

A companion on so many levels… and that is why him above all I have to keep a distance from.

* * *

And now, here I am, sitting with my legs crossed, facing the giant window of our Tower. A hushed card game calls my friends attentions, while an old book tries to do the same with me. 

I don't read the words; I don't even really look at the book. The sentences morph to form a fuzzed image of black and white. This is not my time for reading, or peace. This is the time for replaying fears, building internal walls…

But something draws my eyes attention upward.

It's nothing, just the blueness of the sky I guess. The first day of spring and everything outside seems so fresh. As if cerulean blue and Kelly green was all the world has ever known.

But, why is there still a tightening of my chest…a pressure against my throat… numbness to my limbs…

A vision? Now? So soon after the last one… in front of everyone… but I don't burn…what is happ...en…ing?

_The sun sets quickly behind the distant horizon of the city's ocean edge. Shadows fill the room, encompassing the floor, the couch, Raven's legs, and face. The sky is now dark, all colors fade to black. The Moon is cast with a yellow hue, a fullness never known, sitting low in the sky, almost touching the oceans stilled surface. _

What… is… this…? A full moon... the city is whole… where are the flames... where is the destruction?

_The moon illuminates brighter, its rays touching the now rolling waves. _

_A red flame etches a form with in the center of the moon, a form taking the symbol of…_

Trigon.

Its Trigon's symbol! But what does it mean? A full moon? But the next full moon is in… oh my god… two days.

"Friend Robin, are you okay?"

I am knocked from my vision, hands shaking, and mouth dry

"Yea… um…sorry. Was it my turn?"

"No way, man. I won!"

I catch only the swift movement of his hair, the cranking of his neck.

Robin was starring at me.

Did he see… did he see the symbols? Did he see something in my eyes?

My entire body is shaking now. Oh God? Two days? Two nights. No, maybe it was a different full moon, maybe it was a different night… but this feeling…

"I'm tired guys. I think I'm gonna head back to my room." Robin pushes the chair back from the table, and my answer is found in his hunched shoulders. He saw something, he saw my marks…

"Tired? Robin it is merely three in the afternoon of day." Starfire grips tightly to his arm.

"I'm tired guys. If the game is over I think I'm gonna head back to my room." A smile? No, a half hearted grin. His next move will be to call me out into the hallway, like none of the others will notice. And then, I'll have to tell him… everything...no, think of a lie… come on Raven, a good lie.

But Robin does nothing but glance at the blue sky and then retreat out into the hallway.

What? But… how could not have seen? He must have been looking right at me… Maybe, maybe the symbols didn't show this time….

"What the hell is his problem?" Beastboys voice is nothing more than an undertone in the back of my head.

Maybe… maybe… he saw them…and now, he can't even look me in the face… he might think I am Slade's apprentice…

No. He trusts me.

"He's just cranky BB."

He doesn't trust me.

"Friend Cyborg, are you sure. Robin has been acting most out of normal lately."

He does trust me.

"Yo, Rae!"

He doesn't trust me.

"Rae!"

I break my trance with my hands and turn towards the table of titans.

"What?" I speak quietly, trying to hide the quake in my throat.

"Do you know what is wrong with Robin?" I flash my eyes towards Cyborg. He has crossed his arms in front of the table, and cast the same knowing stare at me.

"No."

"Maybe someone should talk to him. He's being a real pain in the butt being all moody all the time… he's turning into Raven!"

"Takes a pain in the ass to know a pain in the ass." Beastboy begins his retort but I just pick up my book and head for the door.

Before I leave I hear Cyborg's voice calling out that he would talk to Robin later.

So will I.

God knows how long we all have left…

* * *

_I know I know, my loyal reviewers are thinking… I waited so long for that! But don't worry, I know what you want… a little action, a little amore, maybe some Slade? Hmm… I actually have finished the story but there are two endings and I need to decide which one I want to post. The next chapter will be coming very soon…but I just wanted to set up the emotional and mental mind set of our heroes… so these chapters did have a point! _

_And as a final note… thank you so so so so much to all those people that did review, it was so sweet and nice what you said… made me smile! _

_So anyways… see you at the next update alert!_

_Oh and I did keep my promise... click the 'submit review' button and I click the 'edit story' button_


	6. To Those That Are Revealed

I'm sorry... I feel so very evil for waiting so long to update. Anyways... on to the chapter...

Oh, and I do not own any of these characters, but I wish I did... sigh... **

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**How to Heal Your Burns  
**Chapter 1: To Those That Are Revealed…

"Beast Boy, Now!"

Transforming into his tyrannosaurus form he came from behind to surprise, teeth digging into the monster. The grip was meant only to force Plasmus to remain steady until Cyborg could puncture a wound in his front chest. A blue sonic beam pierced the air, pierced the flesh.

That's one down… now two more.

"_This is my fight not yours"_

Stop it. Focus on what's in front of you Robin.

"_Then let me in."_

"_You're already too far."_

I am caught by Star fire as the blast from Overload repels me back a good twenty feet. She hovers above the street and I can survey the total damage. Beast boy looks injured, Cyborg is taking on Cinderblock and Raven is using her black energy to encompass Overload. The buildings are torn, cemented sidewalks torn up. All this damage. Why? There was no bank, no other place of significance that would lure them here. And Slade. He was not here. He should be here.

"Robin, are you well?' Star fire dropped me to the ground as another blast from Overload sent us scrambling for the floor.

"I'm fine. Star, get over there and help Raven!" She nodded and took off, throwing green blots blindly at the object encased in black aura.

"_I'm angry because I don't know what is wrong with you…how can I help you if I don't know what is wrong with you!"_

"_Nothing is wrong with me. Everything is as it should be."_

Everything is as it should be. Why those words, why do they haunt me. I can't take my mind away from it, from the way her hands shook and the way her face seemed so torturously hopeless.

My bo-staff slams into cinderblocks neck, a crack forms. I am not quick enough though. I can see his hand coming closer to my face.

Crap.

Darkness.

"_Yo man, wait up." I keep the beat of my feet constant. Like hell am I stopping._

"_Robin, come on man, just give me a second. It's important." Allowing a sigh to escape my lips I turn to meet the man twice my size._

"_What Cyborg?" _

"_Listen, I just…um…can we talk in private?" He raises his hand to slide the door of his room open, walking in, I follow soon after. The door slides shut and I stand in total silence, arms folded against my chest. _

"_What the hell is wrong with you!" My eyes narrow. _

"_I don't know what you are talking about."_

"_You know exactly what I mean. You're getting angry for no reason; you're always by yourself…"_

"_If this is all you're here to tell me I got better things to do." I uncross my arms and make for the door._

"_You're a leader Robin. You got a team to worry about… not just Slade…not…just Raven." I stop instantly, a pang beating in my heart, an ache in my head. _

"_I know how to be a fucking leader." I walk past the sliding door and make for the wall in the hallway. I brace myself against it, allowing my head to fall to an awkward angle. I just need a moment to breathe, to think, to find peace, to find air. _

_A Pair of feet is shuffling in the hallway though. A pair of violet eyes._

"_Robin…"_

"Robin!" The hallway quickly faded to a more solid form.

"Robin?" Green and fur. A street, dust lingering in the air, rocks scattered across the ground, across my leg.

"Yo dude, you okay? Wake up man."

I shook out the last of the fluttering image and found myself pinned against the side of the building. Grunting I look up at Beast boy whose hand is shaking my shoulders.

Was the battle over? Why was I still sitting on concrete?

"Man you totally had me worried." I stand unsteadily with Beast boy holding his injured arm and my shoulder. Turning to hear the shouts of Cyborg as his cannon blasts again through Overload I come to realize where I am, what happened. It's still not over, they are still fighting.

I grab my bo staff from against the rock that had pinned me and make in a sprint towards the remaining challenge. Beast boy shouts at me to stop, to wait. I can feel an ache in my shoulders, a wetness along my back…a sting signifying a deep gash along my shoulder blades.

Its time to end this.

But the winds suddenly shift, and I feel deep, plaguing eyes boring into my back.

Slade.

From atop a near by building he stands there like some god damn divinity. So nonchalant in pose as the rest of the titans get pulverized.

And their memories flood my mind, my vision. The thousands of memories that gather in my mind everyday, the memories of the lives he's damaged, destroyed. And the memories of the reckless abandonment of my own humanity, the twisted pain of being his apprentice floods me like a hallucination. The muffled tears of a friend that had gained and lost his first love, all in one swift movement.

The tortured blood that seeped from her wounds, the heavy bruising on her back. The hopeless sadness that lingers in her beautiful violet eyes.

A myriad of images encompass my common senses as I launch my grappling hook, making my way faster and faster to his ever-increasing form.

"Why, hello Robin. So nice seeing you again." I am dripping in madness and in hate. His sarcastic words only allow the poison to spread through my veins faster.

"This ends here Slade." I shift my right foot backwards, allow the staff to come to rest in my both my hands, tilting to a familiar battle position.

"This is only the beginning Robin." I crash my staff onto his extended arm. The clanking of metal touching metal reverberates against the glass windows of the skyscrapers around us. I swirl my leg to make contact with his face, with his knees, with his arms… always missing. He is too fast, too quick in mind. He knows all my moves.

I can't give up yet as I levy another punch connecting with his face. He counters by sending a piercing blow of fire. It connects right at the side of my waist. I can feel it still burn. Shit. I roll to the side quickly as his flaming staff makes contact with the exact spot where my head had just lain.

"_Don't hide from me, you're safe with me. You can trust me."_

"_I always have."_

Raven.

Slade connects with my face. I fall backwards again, grasping the new cuts that littered themselves across my cheek, my neck. Metal fills my mouth as I spit out the mixture of blood and spit that builds in my mouth.

I charge at him once more, with bo-staff connecting to bo-staff, pushing him closer and closer to the edge of the building's roof.

"What are you doing here Slade?" I clench my teeth tighter, the anger bubbling beyond a viable point.

Slade eyes turn upwards, an invisible grin forming. He pushed harder against my bo staff and I can hear the small pebbles beneath my feet become dust as I am forced backwards. The eerie orange symbol that now rested upon his forehead glows even brighter.

"Why am I here Robin?" He says as he spins quickly out of the staffed truce… making impact with my stomach. Crap. I spit out more blood and I fall to my knees as the air is forced from my lungs. Cradling my chest I can feel him coming closer, kneeling beside me, balancing on the balls of his feet.

"Why, just to check on our girl. Robin, she doesn't look so good." Just as quickly as the rush of hot air assaulted my ears it was gone. I did not take notice of his leave but found my eyes falling to the ground, where the three monsters now laid defeated. The remaining Titans formed a huddled circle around her. Raven.

In what remaining strength I possessed I grappled down to their circle.

If I had bothered to look at their faces I guess they would have been etched in horror, their mouths all agape.

But all I could see was the dark purple cloak covering a stilled figure. I wanted to rush to her side, to bring her back to the tower, lock her away. She was hurt again, because I wasn't here to protect her. I was after Slade again.

But…

On her skin…

Oh my god…

She lay sprawled against the concrete, her eyes closed, her breath ragged. Her skin was alight in glowing orange symbols. They follow every contour of her body; they trailed along the entirety of her skin, across her face. Large glowing symbols…and one stood out above them all, the one that rested on her forehead. The same symbol upon that bastard's forehead.

In every spot that had once bled onto my hands. In every spot that she had so disgustingly tortured there were sickening circular patterns. It wasn't in her mind. They were real.

Why her, why these marks.

"Robin, what… what…" Cyborg couldn't verbalize all the questions that flew through his mind. Probably the same ones that spun in my own.

"The Tower… we have to get her back." They all nodded in solemnity. Cyborg picked her up gently, her head rolling backwards across his metallic arm.

"Robin do you need help?" Beast boy asked with his voice shuddering.

Do I need help? Me? Look at her Beast boy. She is in the same state she was when I found her that night. She's dying. I didn't protect her again.

But my head is too dizzy to express all that lay in my heart, my psyche.

Instead I push past him and continue our journey home in silence.

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_It was light touches of the fingertips. First one, then two, then five digits laying heavy trails on her palm. It tickled and burned and felt cool and felt lovely and felt frightening. His fingers made for the pathways of her hands, the creased lines, the small scars. His fingers took on the task of memorization. Each area of her flat palm becoming a new exciting territory to discover, conquer. _

_She quickly tried to make contact with his eyes, begging for an answer to his exploration. Begging him to stop, begging him to continue over the whole of her hand, her arm, her body. But she couldn't make any of her requests for his eyes remained steadfast, remained locked on her now trembling hand, twitching digits. He didn't seem to notice, he merely let his lips part slight and continued the ministrations. _

"_Robin….st…stop." He didn't make any motion of notice; he didn't bother to comfort her distress. He merely claimed her hand in one quick, swift movement. Fingers entwined, palms pressed tightly to each other. One participant hesitant and scared. The other needy in the contact, pressing harder. _

_Her mouth now a gape at his actions, his imposing figure luring closer to her petite frame. The ravishing of her hand, his concrete stare at the motions… she couldn't take much more of it. _

"_What…why…please Robin, let go of my hand." _

_He turned this time, first his face, then his eyes, his masked face. He tilted his chin up and made the much needed bond with her violet orbs. And for the first time in her life, for the very first time she felt a cool rush from this boy. She felt his absolute comfort, his absolute need for shelter. She felt his peace._

"_No." His tone husky and hushed, but still containing the boyish quiver that she had come to know in his voice. _

_And within the walls of his room they stood awkwardly. Their right hands held tight, their bodies were mere inches from each other, both hearts racing in anticipation, in terror, and in joy. Both fearful of what they had done, will do. Both shuddering inwardly at the cold expanse of the future and the consequences they could barely begin to recognize. _

_She wanted to feel his warmth. No, she wanted to feel that cool, cold, arctic taste of peace that he had suddenly found. But knowing the extent of her life, knowing the impossibility of their future, knowing that the word "us" could only exist in her mind she pulled away._

"_Let go Robin."_

"_No."_

"_I don't want you touching me."_

"_Don't lie to me"_

"_Don't do this."_

"_I can't stop Raven."_

_And her world crumbled._

_Not in the tiny sharp clanks of glass but in a massive bombastic explosion that engulfed all her senses. She could not hear, she could not think and she could not speak. Her world had become hot and cold, her world had become bright and dark, her world had become lost and yet blissfully found in the wet, tepid, caressing touches of his lips….against her own._

_She had never known a kiss before; she didn't even know for sure if this was what all her pseudo-romance books had described, but she was too stunned to guess for sure. _

_An instinct far older than her closed her widened eyes, allowed her neck to dip back, pushed her lips closer to his, let her free hand find its way through his muscles, to his chest. An instinct far older than her shot her senses, allowed only the most primal thoughts and urges to take precedent. It was the same with his body. His hand finding the most delicate of places along her neck, forcing her closer, not allowing her to flinch away, taking as much as she offered, wanting more. Taking their joined hand and pressing it hard over his heart, knowing that she felt the tortured; thumping beat that lay skin deep._

_Though passion scorched from their most primitive, reptilian of brains their kiss was chaste and delicate, turning into chaste and crushing. Both not knowing in truth what the hell they were doing, both not knowing why their heads leaned a certain way or why small moans were trying to find an escape and both not finding the urge to care. _

_Though bemused in facilities, this girl knew the true depth of will power beyond any other. Her mind screamed to her the danger this simple small affection could lead to._

_She pulled away._

_He had lost his grasp on her._

_She tumbled back against the wall._

_He stood with hands slightly outstretched, wanting to take the first steps._

_She felt the burn of her lips, the swollen joy. _

_He took one step._

_She threw up her hand._

_He took another step._

_She threw up both her hands._

"_Raven… I…" He looked dazed. He looked ready. _

"_No." She looked anxious. She looked desperate._

_He walked closer, not having the words to explain exactly what thumped in his heart, through his mind, along his skin. He just knew that there was an intense urgency to touch her again. To feel the blissful peace that came from her nearness._

"_Don't you come near me." He stopped an arms length from her, his hand again rising higher, higher to meet the coolness of her cheek._

_A blaring tune played through the room, red lights flashed while desire was shaken from both their eyes. _

_He looked to the alarm that stood over his door, then to the flashing red of their titan emblems. _

_Her emblem became engulfed in black as she slipped easily through the wall._

_He rushed to her disappearing form, only to be met with the barricade, warmed by her back, warmed by her presence. He laid his head upon it, hoping to pick up something, anything, some essence of her left behind._

_When nothing came he turned on his heels quickly, making a route for the other titans.

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Memories, of today…they won't leave. They never will.

What a fool. What a fool I am. I knew there was something deeper, I knew it.

But she would never…she would never betray us…become Slade's apprentice. Those marks though, what the hell do they mean. Terra never had those. I never had those.

So then what is left?

God Raven, just tell me what is left! What can possibly be left for us to fight, what secret can you possibly have left to keep!

No, no more questions. There are too many already. When she wakes, when she is back, she will have answers. No more hiding, no more games, no more…sigh…no more secrets.

I stand from a sitting position on the bed and allow my body to soak up the warmth of the sun's rays that speckle through my window. My room is a battle ground now, holes in walls, sheets torn from the single bed.

I look to the corner, where our moment was shared. Where I felt the first true sense of what it was like to be a man, to be alive. Where I felt the true sense of what I was fighting for and against.

Now that feels so far away, it feels so endlessly distant, like it had happened centuries ago.

I should have never kissed her.

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Hn. In case it wasn't clear enough, the italicized portions were memories. Anyways, see you at the next update! Thank you again for the reviews! Ciao. 


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